


Schatten

by Ryuzato



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Multi, Original Character - Freeform, Penetration, Sex, disorder, multiple personality, some cosplay involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 07:10:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10406688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuzato/pseuds/Ryuzato
Summary: just posting this fiction I made a few years ago here to avoid me losing it again





	

Schatten  
another fiction. no names or real-life events are associated here. Certain names are changed while some remains if some of the events or names are the same like holy shit this thing happened to me! it's just coincidence trust me.

this is actually a remake of one of my old fiction that I work on a year ago, but was lost and I find it pretty boring. So a remake was needed.

18+

 

Part 1

 

Dedicated to Melina Abrahan.

 

Where am I?

I woke up in my bed, drenched with sweat. The room was dark but a sleeping figure beside me murmur slowly. She seems to be asleep. Good, I didn’t wake her up. It’s the same dreams again, a dream where I’m in the hospital.

 

It wasn’t till that day that my significant other, Alana decided to have a surgery. She wanted to change her gender. It’s been a year since she was on testosterones; she’s been keeping her money for the surgery.  
I told this to my psychiatrist, who suggest that I would talk to her, talk about how I feel. He ask how my other personas and...my host feels about this.

‘’How does Hikari feels about this, Ryu?’’

I adjusted myself on the sofa and look at the carpet before glancing on his table watching him ready to take in notes to my answer.

‘’She seems fine, she didn’t come out too much lately’’.

‘’I see’’

The doctor jotted some words down in his notepad.

‘’And the others?’’ he continued.

‘’Well, Alex said the same thing that I should talk to her. But at the same time he asks me to give Hikari a chance to ‘come out’ too. Red and Warumono are quiet’’.

He scribbled again on his notepad before setting down his pen.

‘’Well, maybe you should listen to Alex a little bit.’’

‘’How am I even going to call her out if she’s not even around?’’ I protested.

‘’Ryu, you must remember that Hikari is the original host of this body. You are just a personality in her just like the others.I stop the medications because you tolerate well but if you start your mischief again I might have to put you on pills’’.

I sighed and look at him. The sunken eyes and red hair of my psychiatrist reminds me of Hannibal Lecter.

‘’Oh that reminds me. Any news about the new persona?’’

‘’Well no. I saw him a few times and that’s just about it. He came out the most when Hikari was around anyway’’.

‘’Don’t call on him too much, you don’t want another person in you don’t you?’’

I shook my head slowly. Lately after I dress up as a ghoul a few weeks ago, I started to see him around the house. He doesn’t talk but gazed with his piercing eyes. He wears black attire and covers his head with a black shawl. His face is the motif of a skull, as if tattooed on.  
I bid my farewell to the doctor and make my way to the door. Once I closed the door, I sighed and went to the vending machine.

‘’Why are you still upset?’’  
Well, well, well, look who decided to show up. Why didn’t you come out when I was with Dr.Peter a few minutes ago?  
The female voice in my head drew silent.

‘’Sorry, why didn’t you come out more often, Hikari?’’

‘’I didn’t feel like it. I know how you like to be around with Alana. Besides, you didn’t come out much last year.’’  
I sat down with my beverage and decided to talk slowly.

‘’It was a mess last year. You and your final work for the art exhibition and stuffs. I didn’t want to disturb you’’.

It really is a mess. Anxiety attacks, assignments, resumes, and almost 20 paintings over the size of 3 feet to be done. The only thing that is holding us up is Alana. She showed up into our life a few months before the exhibition began. Before that we communicated via internet before she made the big decision to move in with me. Move in with us.  
It was not till after the exhibition she told me that she is on testosterones. I didn’t say anything but look at her. I told her if she feels it’s right then she should do it. But in my head I am the one feeling distress.  
If it weren’t for Hikari I would have done the same too, I would have taken the injections and undergo surgery to change my gender. But I think that was selfish of me. This body wasn’t mine to begin with.

‘’Did you tell her? When is the surgery?’’  
No...I didn’t. I couldn’t. I mean she looks so happy. I didn’t want to crush her down. She support me, support us, put up with this mental illness of ours, I feel like I owe her you know.’’

I scratch the back of my head and sipped my drink.

‘’The surgery is next week’’.

 

Alana picked me up after I call her. We went to lunch and told me how excited she is for the surgery. Most of the time I was forcing smiles and eating my noodles.

‘’You ok?’’ She asked me when I finish up my food.

‘’What?’’

‘’You look...tired or something. Is something wrong? Was it about the surgery?’’

Her face changed a little.

‘’Oh no, I was feeling a little light headed that’s all’’.

‘’Last night...did you woke up?’’

‘’Yea I did, sorry I had a bad dream’’.

Alana caresses my hands slowly. How I long for this years ago. Keeping long distance relationship for almost 5 years and every night I wish to be with her. Now that I’m here why can’t I just be happy with her?

‘’You’ve been having bad dreams for days now. Are you sure you ok?’’

‘’Yea I’m good, the doctor said it was just stress from work.’’ I sipped my coffee.

‘’Well, take care of yourself or else you’re the one who’s going to be in the hospital’’.

I laughed nervously, reminded of the nightmares.

 

 

  
I am on the bed, with Alana on my side holding my hand firmly. Wait...she still looks like...like a girl? But I thought the surgery was 2 days ago? Weren’t you suppose to be in the hospital?  
I tried to speak but my face it feels like it was bandaged. I look around and realise I’m in the hospital. Dr. Peter walks into the room with a smile on his face. He really looks like Hannibal somehow...wait since when did he work here? I thought he wasn’t a surgeon?

‘’Are you ready to look at your new face Ryu?’’

I look at him nervously, what is all this? Since when did I-‘’  
Dr. Peter started to unwrapped me, after a few minutes I look to my side and saw Alana holding her tears. Dr Peter handed me a mirror and I looked at it.

 

The alarm clock blared loudly as I try to hit the snooze button. I woke up and sat on my side.

Shit it’s the same dream again... I look to the other side of the bed and it is empty. So it was true, Alana did go into surgery.

‘’You gotta go’’. A raspy voice in my head was heard. It was Red.

I look at the calendar in my phone. Today is the day Alana will be admitted out the hospital. The day to see the new her. New Alana.

 

  
* * *

 

I am in the ward with Alana sit up in her bed. Her face wrapped up and I am holding her hand tightly, Her hand feels different..feels wider and course somehow. The whole scene took place exactly like the nightmares I had before. Except the walls wasn’t breathing, the plants didn’t have grotesque human faces on them and I’m not on the bed. If Dr. Peter came out through the door I will flip the fuck up.

A female doctor went into the room, asking questions I’ve heard in my dreams before Alana nod her head. She began to carefully removing the bandage. All this time I was holding on to her hand while she held on to mine tightly.

‘’Well, what do you think?’’ the female nurse ask her.

‘’ It... I look ...good’’. Course voice came from Alana as she looks at her new self in the mirror. The drugs have successfully made her voice deeper.

‘’Dear...what do you think?’’ She turned and look at me, I was speechless.

 

I left the room as the nurse started to unwrap her torso, somehow I couldn’t dare to watch it. I feel like the verge of screaming or crying, Heck I’m confused! Her face changes totally, The chin, the forehead , even the eyes...There’s a lump in her throat resembling the adam’s apple...  
Why do I feel so angry? I wanted to thrash everything. I wanted to take the chair and destroy the counter, I wanted to... I feel so unfair! Why it isn’t me? Wasn’t I supposed to be the ‘male’ in this relationship?

‘’Why are you so angry about?’’  
I DON’T KNOW!

The corridor was quiet, echoing back my own voice. I sit down on the floor, holding my head.

‘’For fuck sake could you just shut up?’’

‘’You must be happy about this am I right? You must be so happy about this, ARE YOU GLAD?’’

‘’Hush down Ryu, you might attract attention’’ Alex whispered loudly, the corridor is quiet again.

‘’Do you want Alana to hear you? Is that it?’’

‘’Alana? Is that even her name right now?’’ I fought back. Nervous laugher filled the corridor.

A doctor peered in from the other room, I try my best to look calm but my eyes are red from holding in my tears.

‘’Are you alright there?’’

‘’Yes, I’m fine.’’ I force myself a smile.

The doctor retreat back into the room. I stood up and sit on the chair.

‘’You have to pull yourself together, and face Alana yourself. Please Ryu, just tell her how you feel’’

‘’I can’t do that... I can’t’’ tears stream down my face.

‘’That’s the spirit, keep it up Ryu! When you get back home I’ll do something special to cheer you up, something that will make you feel better’’ The raspy voice came into my head again.

‘’Don’t encourage him Red! Ryu listen to me. You have to be strong. I know this is all new for you but you really have to pull yourself together’’.

I wiped my tears and took a few deep breaths before I lose myself to panic attacks again. The voices are quiet and so is the hospital. I close my eyes for a moment while waiting for the female doctor to come out. When she does I went back inside.

 

 

We’re at home now, and it is deafening.

The tv is on but I couldn’t bother paying attention to it. Alana is beside me on the couch and I could feel that she couldn’t bother by it either. She seems tired though, possible from the operation before, does anaesthetics last that long?

‘’What should I call you now?’’

She look down for a while.

‘’I guess it makes sense if you could call me Alan.’’ A smile escapes from her face, or should I say his.

‘’Ok.’’ I scratch my head. I could still feel some sort of heaviness in my chest.

‘’Are you ok? I heard you at the corridor today’’.

I was silent for a while, thinking of an excuse to use.

‘’I guess...it’s the work...or was it something else’’. I grunted and wiped my face.

‘’I’ll talk to Dr. Peter about this. Don’t worry...Alan’’

I look at him and force a smile. I guess he could see my tired face and replied my smile.

‘’Honey you shouldn’t force yourself too much...I know that...you couldn’t accept me like this..-‘’

‘’No it wasn’t you, really! It was me’’ I counter him back.

‘’The personas are acting up a bit, it messes me up that’s all.’’ I lied. I hope he gets it.

‘’Are you sure? I mean you could tell me and I-‘’

‘’Yup I’m sure about it. In fact I’m just gonna go upstairs and do something to ease my head’’. I stood up from the sofa and set up a cheerful face.

‘’Don’t you worry about a thing’’. I gave Alan a quick peck at his forehead before running upstairs, still wondering what I’m going to do.

 

‘’Hey Ryu’’. The raspy voice, Red.

What the heck now?

‘’ I know something we could do, something to clear your head off’’

I won’t mutilate you little shit. I’m clean now and I’m not going to start again.

‘’No no not that silly, something else’’.

Huh? What? What is it that you have in mind now?

‘’Why don’t you dress up like the ghoul again?’’

I reach my room and close the door.

‘’The ghoul? But I thought Dr. Peter warn us not to do it again’’.

‘’Well what are you gonna do now? Sulk? Cry your eyes out?’’

I stood at the door for a while, examining my interior before my eyes lay on the shelves that was scattered with face paint.  
‘’A few minute doesn’t hurt’’. I switch on the light and make my way to the dressing table.

 

 

 

 

 

I must have fallen asleep after I did the ghoul, as I woke up and realise it’s morning. I took a bath and dress in my usual, t-shirt with my leather jacket. I feel so good, my head isn’t heavy and I have my smile on as I walk down the stairs.  
I see Alan cooking in the kitchen so I grab him by his waist and gave him a quick kiss at his cheek.

‘’What’s cooking love?’’ I ask as I move away and sat on the table.

‘’Alex is that you?’’ He turn around to take a look at me. I was still grinning.

‘’No silly it’s me Ryu!’’

‘’Wow, you’re really cheerful today. Looks like somebody woke up at the right side of the bed’’.

I chuckled.

‘’I guess you can say so, I got a call last night from an old friend. She wanted me to do a collaboration exhibition with her.’’

It did happen, right after I was on my bed after I clean myself up. Cleaning myself up after I did The Ghoul.

‘’That’s great! No wonder you’re so happy.’’ Alan serve me a toast with omelette. I ate it hearty before saying my goodbye to meet with Dr. Peter.

 

 

‘’What do you think about her new look?’’ flips of pages were heard.

‘’ To be honest I’m still not comfortable by it, or will I ever be. I just hope I got used to it or learn to love it’’ I rub the back of my hand.

‘’Hmm yes, give it some time. Is she adjusting well to it?’’

‘’Yea, she told me there’s no problem at all’’. I wonder to it, how does she adjust herself so well? I’ve read that patients who wanted to go after the surgery needs to get their psychology tested and a regular visit to the psychiatrist before and after the operation.

‘’Don’t worry doc, I take good care of her I MEAN...him’’.

‘’That’s good.But I’m worry about you the most’’ Dr.Peter flip the notebook.

‘’Me?’’

‘’Are you still having nightmares?’’

‘’No, I sleep peacefully last night.’’

Dr Peter took a long hard look at me before dismissing the session. I took the chance to ride back home and trying to understand what happen last night, it was still blurry images and scenes. I remember drawing my face with the black paint and putting on the lenses, I still remember that I blare out the songs from my laptop as I...what was I doing? I had forgotten what I did last night.

When I arrive back I notice that Alan wasn’t home. I remember he has to take the injections and do some check ups. I took the chance to go into my studio and did some initial sketches for the upcoming exhibition. I spent the rest of the day drawing and painting.

Alan came back home at night, right at the moment I finish up my work. I close the door and got myself into the kitchen, heating up some leftover food before I see a black figure on the dining chair looking at me. I paused my steps and look at him. Skull motifs, black attire, it’s The Ghoul.

 

 

Alan makes his way towards Ryu’s room, after Ryu ate in the kitchen he heard him went upstairs and shut the door. It’s quite odd of him to eat in the kitchen alone, but it could be possible that he switched instead, which explains the sudden behaviour change. Nevertheless he went up to check on him, fear something bad might happen instead. It’s not the first time something happen when Ryu switched.  
Alan knock on the door but realise that it wasn’t locked, he pushed it gently.

‘’Ryu, I’m coming in. Are you alright?’’

The room was dark , the light from the windows illuminate the room instead. Dir en grey music were heard in the room slow yet clear enough. Alan walked in but was startled by a figure sitting on the bed. With his legs crossed, hands on the knee and a skull pattern on his face it looks like as if the figure is meditating with his eyes close.

‘’What are you doing? Why are you dressed as the ghoul again?’’

The figure open his eyes slowly revealing piercing eyes with dilated pupil, as a result from the white lenses that was wore. The figure look at Alan with a smile and a calm look.

‘’Hello, Alan’’ the figure said with a calm and deep voice.

‘’Ryu, what are you doing? Sitting in the dark like this’’ Alan approached and sit beside the figure.

‘’I am not who you think I am my dear. I am nothing but the darkness’’.

Alan continue to look at this figure he thought was Ryu. He must be in his moods or something. Alan gave the figure a kiss on the cheek before leaving the bed. But his hand was grabbed before he set his foot on the floor. The figure caresses Alan’s face before kissing him deeply. Somehow Alan could taste a tinge of cigarette in this figure. The both of them continue kissing on the bed.

 

The next morning Alan woke up in Ryu’s bed however Ryu was nowhere to be seen. He went down as he heard some clattering of pans and the sizzle of food.  
There Ryu was, cooking some French toasts while Alan stood at the door frame watching his partner cooking.

‘’Good morning’’. Alan said as he approaches his partner.

‘’Hi’’. Ryu said as he brushes he tucks his hair in his ear. A feminine like voice was heard instead of his usual roughness.

Alan study Ryu carefully, from the slight movement of his hips to the movement of the hand.

‘’Hikari? Is that you?’’

‘’Yea, why?’’ Hikari looks away towards the plate instead, putting in the hot French toasts before giving them to Alan.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ Hikari asked. Her eyes soften and there’s a hue of red on her cheek.

‘’Nothing. It’s just that I rarely see you out. Usually it’s only when you’re painting’’.

‘’well, it wasn’t anything. I just feel like coming out’’. Hikari said as she sits down next to Alan.

Alan took his cutlery and began dining in his food.

‘’Was it you last night? The one cloaked and cosplaying the ghoul? You look so different though’’.

‘’No that wasn’t me. It was The Ghoul’’.

Alan stopped his munching.

‘’The Ghoul?’’

‘’Apparently Ryu has been cosplaying him so much that...the ghoul ended up taking a place in his head. Dr. Peter had warned him not to do it but he ignored the advice and went on with his charade’’.

Hikari massages her scalp while Alan suddenly feed her some of his French toast.

‘’Typical Ryu. Was the ghoul the bad guy or something?’’

‘’Hmm, I don’t know. He only came out last night. That was his first time, Dr Peter warned me though if Ryu continue to invite the ghoul, it might stay forever’’.

‘’Meaning?’’

‘’I might risk myself having another personality inside me’’.

‘’I see’’.

Alan continue finishing up his food before Hikari talks.

‘’I didn’t know the doctor did the genital realignment surgery too’’

‘’Oh you realized. Yeah the doctor wanted to finish it all up soon. Usually you have to wait 6 months after the first operation. So you did came out last night’’.

Hikari cheeks turn red.

‘’Not exactly! It’s like...watching a television. I saw the whole thing, but I wasn’t...present’’.

‘’So, I was making love with the ghoul last night.’’ Alan chuckled at the statement. He bent over to kiss Hikari at the lips.

‘’How about today I did it with you instead?’’ Alan continue kissing her till she pushes him back slowly.

‘’Silly...’’ Alan continue kissing her despite she tries to push him, but in the end Hikari gave up in his embrace.

 

After a few minutes of their time together, Hikari wanders off to clean up the kitchen while Alan stays there,checking on his mobile phone.

‘’How are you ? you seemed well after the operation. Adjusting well?’’

‘’Surprisingly well.I feel good, I never felt this good in my body before. Say...is Ryu alright? I realize he’s been moody since the operation’’.

Hikari giggles before she continues. ‘’ Oh don’t mind him. He’s alright. He’s known to have mood swings sometimes’’.

‘’Mood swings? How dare you.’’

Ryu voice came out of Hikari’s mouth.

‘’It’s true, quit being so silly’’. Hikari counter back before she sits down in the floor.

‘’Hey, you alright?’’

Alan came approaching her on the floor, Hikari wipes her face before a familiar expression came. A tired and lonesome one.

‘’Hey, Alan’’. It was Ryu

‘’Hey’’  
* * * 

It was like a blackout actually. When the personality switches it’s like being absorbed into the darkness and passing out. I see what Hikari see but I can’t react on it. It is like watching a television. I could see Alan’s face close to me as he approaches me while I’m on the floor.

‘’guess I switched huh’’. I rubbed my forehead. It hurts a little when I switch but it hurts Hikari a lot more. More energy was used from her.

‘’It’s alright. I’m kinda glad I get the chance to meet her’’.

‘’Well I think you got more than that did ya?’’ I chuckled.

Alan helped me up and we sit on the living room couch.

‘’I think I deserve a chance with all of you’’.

I look down.

‘’You might not want Red though. He’s annoying. And destructive’’.

‘’Still though, it would be nice’’.

 

The rest of the day play out normally. Alan attended his classes, as a new person while I am back with my paintings.

I couldn’t remember what happen last night after I encounter the Ghoul.

The next day I visited Senyu, my friend whom I collaborated for the new exhibition. We talk about the amount of paintings, medium and the venue it’ll be held. Senyu is one of my friend back when I was still in university. She’s an artist specialize in hyper realistic portraits while I’m in surrealism. However she didn’t know that I have personality disorder and refer to me as Hikari.

‘’Alana went into surgery a week ago’’. I said as I sip my drinks. We’re at a local cafe, sipping drinks while pasting the time with chats and work.

Senyu flip her bangs before answering me.

‘’What? Did she got into an accident?’’

‘’No not that sort. She...decided to change her gender’’. I talk slowly, trying not to attract attention.

‘’Seriously? Like wow. How does she look like now? Handsome?’’

‘’Awh man I don’t know...maybe’’. the both of us chuckled.

‘’Did she did the...I mean how about...down there?’’

‘’Oh yeah, that one too’’.

Senyu cover her mouth and whisper quietly

‘’Holy shit, I wanna see her’’.

‘’Well maybe someday I’ll let you come over my house or something’’.

‘’Omg yes. That’s a promise’’.

I finish up my drink before excusing myself.

‘’Where are you going?’’ Senyu asked

‘’I have an appointment with someone. Ciao’’

I made my way towards my car, started my engine and drive to Dr. Peter’s office.

 

‘’I couldn’t remember anything about yesterday at all. Could it be because I switched to Hikari?’’

‘’It could be possible. It is normal for personas to forgot once they switched to another’’.

The usual checkups and appointments, I’ve gone used to it somehow. I used to loathe going to the psychiatrist or even hearing about getting my psychology tested. But if it wasn’t for that incident I would have been dead by now.

‘’I would like to suggest you to chat or spent some time with Alan. Spending more time together will likely make you more comfortable.’’

‘’Alright’’.

‘’Any sight of the ghoul?’’

I hesitated. I’m not sure whether to tell him or not.

‘’No’’

‘’Are you sure? You seemed to hesitated there.’’

Silent.

‘’Ryu, I won’t be mad at you’’

‘’No but I get the feeling you’ll be disappointed’’.

‘’I won’t be. I can promise you that’’.

Silent.

‘’ok yes I did saw him a few days ago. Twice’’.

Dr.Peter remains quiet without any reaction. A thin smile left on his face.

‘’Did you cosplay again?’’

‘’...I did. I wasn’t feeling good so I did it again. After that I feel all better’’.

The air of stillness surrounds us. I could hear the scribbling of his pen on the paper.

‘’Well, that’s it for today’’.

Dr.Peter waits as Hikari closed the door shut. He studies his notes about his patients, especially Hikari  
.  
‘’I wonder what would happen if the Ghoul took over’’.

Dr. Peter sketch the pages, trying to figure out how the Ghoul would look like with all the information provided by Ryu. Suddenly his cellphone rang. He picks it up with a smile on his face.

‘’Hello my little darling.’’

It was his daughter calling.

 

 

Alan approach the nearby manmade lake located in front of his faculty. He saw a figure skipping stones while on the edge of the bank.The breeze blew the hair of the figure swiftly while a melancholic look remains on her face.

‘’What are you so worried about?’’ Alan asked her.

‘’It wasn’t anything. It’s just my face.’’ Hikari answered

Alan approach and hug her from behind.

‘’You have a sweet face. Don’t ruin it.’’

A smile escaped from her as the both of them sits down.

‘’How’s class today?’’

‘’Well, everybody is obviously surprised but they seem to take it nicely. Even the lecturers are ok with it. They said that they’re proud that I came out’’

‘’That’s so nice of them. I’m so jealous of you Alan’’.

Alan turns to look at her.

‘’Why is that?’’

‘’People seems to be more...open to receive you. But when I tell people that I have this problem they always said that I’m imagining or making things up. Or worse, they stop talking or approaching me’’.

‘’Do you...want them to know?’’

It’s Hikari’s turn to look at Alan.

‘’I don’t know. I don’t know what to think’’.

‘’Honey you should really stop these sort of thinking. It doesn’t matter what people say, whether they accept you or not. I’m here for you’’.  
Hikari clutch Alan’s palm tightly.

‘’Hey, wanna go out for dinner tonight?’’

‘’Sure’’

 

 

 

 

 

Alan knocks lightly on the Ryu’s door. He opens it only to discover that there is nobody inside, only the window left open. The breeze flips the curtain and a few books on the table. Alan approaches the window and look out towards the roof. He saw a black figure with a black shawl blown by the breeze.  
After a few minutes Alan is up on the rooftop, walking slowly and sitting beside the black figure.

‘’Schӧne Nacht’’ the figure speaks in german.

‘’I didn’t know you speak german...ghoul’’

‘’It is an interesting language. A language that doesn’t say goodbye’’.

Alan looks at the figure. Once again the face is painted with black markings up to the neck. The piercing eye looks up to the moon.

‘’How are you today, Alan?’’

‘’Oh I’m good. I had dinner with Hikari. Probably you didn’t remember ‘’.

‘’Very likely. I can only remember the time I spent with you’’.

The ghoul continue to look at the moon.

‘’Do you have a name?’’

‘’No, would you like to give me one?’’

‘’That would be nice. I wouldn’t want to call you Ghoul all the time. Let’s see...how about...Schwarz?’’

‘’Black?’’

‘’Yea, since you can speak german I think it makes sense I give you a german name.’’

‘’Thank you Alan. That is a lovely name.’’

Alan stood up while dusting his pants.

‘’Well, I guess I’m going to head back inside now. It’s quite cold here. How long are you going to be here?’’

‘’ Do not worry about me, I shall retreat inside soon. Gute Nacht Alan’’.

‘’Good night’’.

 

  
‘’Ryu, I’m thirsty. Could you fetch me some water?’’ Alex asked me as I apply the paint on the canvas.

The studio which took place in my garage is one of my sanctuary, both me and Hikari. Music, oil paints, canvasses and all you can think related to art is in here. For now the empty room inhabits me and the smooth rock music  
.  
‘’Oh sure.’’ I stood up and head my way out the door, which links to the kitchen.

One step up the ledge and I saw the Ghoul sitting there in the same spot as before.  
What the hell, I didn’t remember that I cosplay last night. Did I?

‘’What are you doing here?’’

I spoke to him, praying he won’t answer me back.

‘’I have a name now’’

Shit he spoke.

‘’It is Shwarz and I would like you to start calling me that.’’

‘’Why should I? You’re not even real’’ I walk towards the counter and stood there facing him.  
The Ghoul then stood up and approaches me. I held my ground.

‘’Are you?’’

He brushes against me and leaves the kitchen.

I could swear I saw him smiling.

I waited for him to leave before I talk to Alex.

‘’Did something happen last night?’’

‘’I don’t know, but apparently something must have.’’

‘’You didn’t see or hear anything?’’

‘’No, I could only remember Hikari having dinner with Alan and that’s it.’’

Speaking of Alan, here he comes through the door.

‘’Ay somebody call me?’’

‘’oh it’s nothing, we were just chatting’’. I look towards my glass, filling it with water. I still having problem looking at him directly.  
He looks different somehow, it could be the goatee he was keeping or the sideburns...I couldn’t imagine that...it used to be Alana.

‘’Hey, still troubled?’’

He grabs me by my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

‘’Wow, you’re voice it’s deeper now’’.

‘’Yeah, it must be the injections. It’s working really well’’. Alan kiss me by the lips, repeatedly.  
I couldn’t take it anymore, so I switch out.

 

A gasp escaped from Hikari as she tries to draw her breath.

‘’Ryu? What’s wrong?’’

‘’Um...no it wasn’t..-‘’

‘’I see, he couldn’t take it’’. Alan release his grip and steps back, he seems disappointed.

‘’No, please don’t blame him, he wasn’t used to it’’ Hikari plead, trying to defend her other self.

‘’It’s alright, I didn’t blame him really. By the way now that you’re here, I guess that we could do something’’ A sinister smile emerges on Alan’s face as he rests his back on the counter.

‘’What is it?’’

‘’I thought that you and I could do’’ He paused before moving closer to her before continuing.

‘’I know you like to roleplay, right Hikari?’’

Hikari blushes before she smiles.

‘’Yea, what would you like me to do?’’

‘’nothing, just be yourself. I’ll do the roleplaying’’

Hikari looks at him, somehow his face reminded her of someone.

‘’Did you...cut your hair?’’

‘’Oh you notice, good! Does it remind you of certain someone?’’ Alan teased her.

‘’Was it...Kyo?’’ Hikari steps back but faced with a table.

‘’Correct, and you know what to do right?’’

Her face turns red ‘’Y...you wanted me to call you Kyo?’’

‘’Atta girl’’ Alan kisses her.

‘’You deserve this, you’ve been so hard on yourself. Let me...please you’’

Hikari nodded slowly. Maybe it is about time for her to have a little time for herself, with Alan.

‘’Ok...Kyo’’

Alan sweeps her off the floor and went straight into the bedroom before putting her down gently. The room was filled with Dir En Grey songs, quiet yet enough to hear. The both of them kiss while on the bed, Alan pin her down kissing her neck.  
The personas were quiet, Hikari weren’t able to hear anything besides the song and the panting of her breath and Alan’s. She felt a slight tingle between her leg, whimpering a bit as Alan kissing her neck and massaging her.

‘’Come now, let me hear you. I heard you’re a big fan of mine’’. Alan continue his roleplaying.

‘’K..kyo-san please-!’’ Hikari couldn’t finish her sentence as she was panting too hard. She could feel Alan’s finger playing inside her.

‘’Kyo-san it’s my first time, please-!’’

‘’Don’t worry about a thing, Hikari’’ Alan’s voice sync with Kyo’s singing, mimicking Kyo’s voice perfectly.

The both of them continue kissing.

‘’If it hurts, do tell’’

Alan looks at her while she nod. The pink tinge on her face and the slight sweat on her forehead make her lovely to look at.

‘’Oh god you have no idea how cute you are’’.

Hikari smiled at that statement. She used to hate when people call her cute. But now it doesn’t really matter.

She felt a bit uncomfortable as Alan went inside her, a slight pain yet pleasure took over. She tries to held in her moan but couldn’t. Alan went in slow yet as deep as he can.

‘’Oh Kyo-san!’’

‘’That’s the spirit’’.

The song changes to a faster pace and so does Alan. The both of the pants and gasps.

‘’Kiss me please, it would help me a lot...Kyo’’.

Hikari looks at her with a pleading eyes, making Alan penetrating harder that before. She grab him by the neck and kissed him hard, it lasted for a couple of minutes before Hikari bit his neck.

‘’I’m coming’’

She grab his back, clawing and biting his neck at the same time. The both of them came at the same time.

The remaining gasps and sighs escapes from the both of them as they succumb together on the bed.

Hikari turned and kiss him at the nose.

‘’Thank you that was amazing, Kyo’’.

‘’I’m glad for that’’. 

A small red hue appear on Alan’s neck, bits of blood drips.

‘’Oh my god, I’m so sorry let me get that’’. Hikari sits down and tries to get something to sooth the bleeding.

‘’What is it?’’

‘’I’m sorry, I must have bit you hard just now, I-‘’ She stops at the moment she saw the blood.

‘’Hikari?’’ Alan looks at her but it is as if her gaze was entranced by the sight of blood, she bent in and lick the blood from Alan.

‘’Hik..hikari what are you doing?’’

Alan moves away to stop Hikari from licking his wound but came to face with a different face.

‘’Ryu, is that you?’’

‘’Alan, I thought you wanted to meet all of us’’ a raspy voice escapes from her, she scoots in and continue sucking the blood.

‘’Wait, I’ve heard of you, Are you...Red’’.

Red stops biting and faces him with a cheeky smile.

‘’Ding ding! You’re correct. Nice to meet you Alan, my name is Red’’

Red continue licking his wound. Once again Alan turns and this time holding Red’s shoulder.

‘’Will you stop that?’’

‘’Awh, the blood stopped anyway. Hehe . Hey are you up for another round? I heard you wanted to have a chance with all of us anyway’’

Red pushes him on the bed, pinning him down while kissing him.

‘’Kyo, do call me Toshiya, you’re precious bassist.’’

Alan smiles at the statement. Another round? Alright then.

‘’Try your best Toshiya’’.

‘’Oh I will’’ Red bent down to Alan's waist.

Once again the both of the fell on the bed, drenched in sweat. Hikari was sounded asleep even though her body twitches a little.  
It was a rough one, biting and scratching and oh how rough Red was to him.Red manage to pin him down the whole time, it was the exact opposite of what he did to Hikari but...rough.  
He couldn’t even get out of the bed as he was too tired.

 

 

 

Alan woke up at 9 am as usual, he look to the side to find out Hikari is still sleeping. She must have been tired he utter. Alan gave her a kiss on the forehead before getting ready for class. He didn’t expect that Red would turn up last night. Last night...it was amazing, he hopes that Hikari would stop over thinking again. 

 

***

‘’ I felt really good Doc, even though Ryu retreated inside being all moody but it was good. Even Red was out.’’

‘’Ah the notorious Red, was he behaving well?’’

‘’He’s good, I made a bargain with him before saying that if he wanted to...you know, that he should switch that urge of his with something good’’.

‘’Which is?’’

‘’Whenever he wanted to mutilate, he would ask for strawberry ice-cream instead’’. Hikari smiled to herself.

Feeling good to get situations under her control for so long. It’s been a long time since she feel good.  
I should treat Alan today, she thought.

‘’Well, glad to hear you nice and well this time. No panic attacks and nightmares, I would say you’re getting well Hikari’’.

‘’Thanks Doc’’.

Just the moment Hikari stood up, she heard a creak at the door. A familiar voice greets the occupant inside the office.

‘’Daddy, do you want these files to-!’’

The short bangs with the white shirt stood at the door while looking at Hikari, who seems to be embarrassed seeing the figure.

‘’Hi..Hikari what are you doing here?’’ Senyu asked.

Without a word Hikari brushes her off and ran out of the office, to the corridor and out the door.

‘’Senyu, how many times must I say to not come in when I’m with a client?’’

‘’I’m sorry Daddy but it’s your secretary, she’s babbling about stuffs so I decided to give it to you.’’

Senyu went in and drop the files on the table, she took a seat beside her father.

‘’I didn’t know that...Hikari is your patient’’.

‘’Sigh, she was doing well today. I the incident just now might...affect in some way.’’

‘’Gosh I should call her’’ Senyu took out her phone but was stop by Dr. Peter.

‘’Not now, give her some time.’’

‘’Ok...’’ She kept her phone back in her pocket.

‘’So...why is she here? I mean what sort of-‘’

‘’You do know I can’t discuss my patients with you darling’’. Dr. Peter eye her daughter.

‘’But Daddy, Hikari is my friend. I’m sure I deserve to know. We were close but she didn’t tell me anything. I wish I could know her better Dad’’.

Sigh

 

 

Shit she saw me, what should I do now?

Hikari stayed in her car, her hands shivered while on the steering wheel.

‘’calm down, I’m sure she would understand’’

It’s not that easy ALEX’’

‘’I didn’t know that Senyu is Dr.Peter’s daughter, well suprise’’ Red chuckled.

‘’I’m sure Dr. Peter wouldn’t tell her about you. Patient-doctor classification’’

She’s HIS daughter.

‘’Still though, you should calm down’’

She sighed and place her head on the steering wheel.

‘’I’m so dead’’

The silent was broke down by Warumono, the quiet one.

‘’Aren’t we going to buy something for Alan?’’

Hikari tilt her head back up.

‘’Yeah you’re right. What should we buy?’’ Alex try to encourage him.

‘’Maybe...a cake?’’

‘’Yeah a strawberry cake. Man I yearn for his blood again, emm’’

‘’Wait, what are you talking about Red?’’ Hikari looks at the passenger seat. She saw a golden haired man the length of his shoulder with a a black shirt looking out the window.

‘’You forgotten? You bit him so damn hard till he bleed’’ The golden haired man chuckled.

‘’Oh gosh...so the cake should be a thank you and a sorry cake’’

Warumono giggle.

‘’Well then, to the bakery’’.

 

Alan creak open the door to his home to find only the kitchen light was on, he went in a saw a small box with a handle on it, he peered in before was greeted by Hikari.

‘’I don’t think it’s my birthday yet right?’’

‘’No, this for last night. It’s a...sorry and thank you cake’’, Alan open the box to find a slice of vanilla cake with a strawberry on top.

‘’Awh you shouldn’t have.’’ Alan peck on Hikari’s cheek.

Hikari look at Alan’s neck to find that the spot last night was covered in bandage.

‘’I hope it wasn’t that deep’’

‘’Oh it’s fine, it’s not like you chew my neck or anything.

Laughter filled the room.

 

2 days after the day

Alan knock on Ryu’s room lightly and once again the door was make ajar by the wind. He made his way towards the window and look outside, Schwarz is sitting beside the window panel, looking at the sky.

‘’Would you take me out for a night stroll, Alan?’’

‘’You want to go out?’’

‘’It is late and there are not many people on the street, I wish to look at the street and the occupants’’.

Alan smiled at the statement.

 

‘’So many bright lights’’

Alan walk hand in hand with Schwarz near the park. Blue lights emitting from the fountain. There aren’t many people but Schwarz took an interest in a family cradling their sleeping daughter. The father and mother walk together while talking.

‘’ Liebenswerte Familie’’

‘’Yes, lovely family.’’ Alan hesitated to hold the ghouls hand, Schwarz kept walking in front of him, fascinated by the lights and the different sort of trees. Alan struggle to catch up.

Schwarz took a seat on the park bench, still looking at the sky.

‘’Hikari, is that you?’’

A male voice was heard behind them, Alan finally catch up and look for the voice. A man with a short black hair approach the both of them. He wore a business suit and was carrying a briefcase with him.  
Schwarz turns to look and study the man.

‘’Jimmy?’’ Hikari’s voice blared out. As if switched.

‘’Wow, can’t believe it is you’’.

Hikari stands up to greet him.

‘’Jimmy, this is Alan’’

The both of them shook hands, greeting each other.

‘’Mind if I steal her one sec?’’

Alan nodded, the both of them walk into the middle of the park.

‘’Well, seems like you’re well.Didn’t expect you to be with a guy’’ Jimmy chuckled.

‘’You too. What are you doing these days?’’

‘’working. In a private company. After I finish up my degree my dad asked me to join his business’’.

‘’I see’’.

‘’And you? What are you doing these days? And what are you doing going out dress like that?’’

‘’I work as a freelance artist. I have an exhibition in a few more months, you could say I’m out looking for inspiration’’.

‘’Still though, it is just like in high school again, I could still remember how you love all these...cosplay thing’’.

The both of them were silent, cicadas filled the night.

‘’Working out late?’’

‘’Yeah, overtime. I’m glad you are able to do things you love’’. Jimmy sighed.

He always wanted to join the music industry but instead was forced to follow his father’s footsteps.

‘’Well, I gotta go now. Gonna hit the bar. Don’t walk around too long you’re gonna give someone a heart attack’’

Chuckle  
Hikari walk back towards the bench where Alan was sitting.

‘’So how did it go?’’

‘’It seems like he is one of Hikari’s old friend’’

‘’wow you switched quick’’

Schwarz took a seat next to him, he smiled before he continues.

‘’I didn’t switched’’.

‘’what you didn’t? Holy shit you really sounded like her’’.

Schwarz smiled again. ‘’At night, is where I am most powerful’’

Schwarz look at the dark sky, it seems like it is going to rain. The both of them walk back home, while they are on their way Schwarz sees an advertisement hanged at a pole.

‘’What is that?’’

‘’Oh that? It’s a Japanese festival called Bon Odori. There’ll be stalls selling food and fireworks. Oh it’s tomorrow, you want to come?’’

‘’Ich würde gern’’

 

There were a lot of people at the festival, dressed in bright kimonos and yukata, children running around with cotton candies or playing at the nearby booth. Alan wore a white yukata while Schwarz wore a black one, his face is still painted and the black shawl remains on his his head. They walk from booth to booth, buying masks and playing games. Alan wanted to buy Schwarz some food but he declined, saying he doesn’t eat human food.  
At the end of the night, people gather in the middle of the field, taking spot to watch the fireworks. Alan and Schwarz took a place underneath a tree.

‘’I know a way to defeat this illness’’ Schwarz speak.

‘’Huh, how?’’

Alan turned to face him.

‘’This body, can only belong to one’’

‘’But what about the others?’’

‘’I must change, I must transition myself into another state of consciousness. Then only, the body will belong to-‘’

The fireworks began, drowning Schwarz’s voice. They are still looking at each other, a confused look on Alan’s face.

‘’Do not worry Alan, I will remember you’’ A smile emerges of the painted face. Palms touching and clenching each other.  
As if struck the both of them began to kiss underneath the fiery night.

 

  
* * *  
‘’He is there! right over there at the couch!’’

Warumono screamed while being held by Alan, earlier Hikari had switched to the quiet Warumono but it seems like he was spook by something. Alan took him and set him down at a couch but he kept pointing at the opposite direction.

‘’Waru, calm down there’s nobody there!’’

‘’No, he’s there! The ghoul is there on the couch! He’s scaring me Alan!’’ Warumono whined and sob, he was trying to hide behind Alan, but Alan held his arm.

‘’Waru,I know the ghoul look scary but he’s not a bad guy’’.

‘’He keeps talking about changing and claiming stuffs! He’s scaring me Alan! Look at him, he’s laughing at me!’’ Warumono sob and cried louder, pointing at an empty seat.

Alan held Warumono’s face and wipe the tears away.

‘’Warumono, look at me. Everything’s fine alright? You’re with me now. Here come place your head on my lap’’.

Warumono does as he was told to, he was still sobbing and tries to look away.Alan stroke his hair slowly while humming a lullaby, for a while it feels like the sobbing won’t stop but gradually the sobbing decreases and Warumono ended up falling asleep on him.

Alan looks at the empty chair pointed by Warumono just now. He keep wondering about last night’s incident, about Schwarz idea of transforming...transition.He should have paid attention to what Schwarz said last night.  
Alan stroke Hikari’s face, her tired red face.

‘’What’s going to happen next?’’

Alan continues to look at her, stroking before he felt asleep on the couch.

 

‘’So what should I do? Should I keep an eye on her?’’ Alan is on the phone talking to Dr.Peter.

Hikari is still asleep on the couch.

‘’It is best if you keep an eye on her,hmm...Hikari didn’t told me that she started to see the ghoul, or she didn’t see it. Either way, call me if you see anything off.’’

‘’Alright then. I’ll let you know’’.

Beep

‘’It seems like she had a panic attack’’ Dr. Peter said.

‘’Oh god, was it because of me? I really hope not.’’Senyu paced his father’s office.

‘’You should give her a call later, maybe it would help’’

Senyu sighed.

 

A few minutes later, Hikari woke up at the sound of the neighbour’s dog barking. She rub her eyes and sit quietly. There was nobody around the house including Alan.  
Her phone rang and it startled her for a moment. She look at the phone and read the name on the screen.

 

Shit, it’s Senyu...what should I do now? Damnit it, She saw me the other day...saw us...What the fuck should I do?

‘’Answer the god damn phone Ryu’’

Beep

‘’Hello?’’

‘’Hey...how are you?’’

I hesitated for a while, drawing my breaths.

‘’Yea, I just woke up’’.

‘’You..you wanna meet up?’’

 

‘’My dad told me about it’’.

Nervous, my hand is shivering as I try to sip my drink.

‘’So you do now?Well...?’’

‘’Why didn’t you tell me about this? We’ve been friends for 2 years’’ Senyu exclaimed.

‘’For your info, not even my parents knew about this ok? So don’t act suprised’’ I crossed my arms and fell back to my seat.

‘’It’s not fucking easy to tell people that you have some other people inside your head.Not to mention 4 of them!’’

‘’5’’ Senyu said quietly.

‘’What ?’’

‘’The ghoul? I think you forgot about it’’

I scoot my chair close to her, I’m at the point of losing myself here...I might even switch to Red, lucky her to see that.

‘’The ghoul isn’t my persona, I merely just cosplay him’’.

‘’No he is. You didn’t remember what happen after you cosplay to him, you time lapse so much you couldn’t remember your nights’’.

What the fuck

‘’How the hell do you even know that? I didn’t even told your father about it’’

‘’Probably because you didn’t remember. Alan told my father earlier about the incident. He told me that when you switched to what’s his name...ah yes Warumono you were shouting and crying about how the ghoul would get you.’’

‘’ SHUT UP!’’ I slam the table hard. Senyu merely blinked.

What does she know about me? Is it even true that I....no that can’t be it...why didn’t he tell me...  
A long sigh escaped from me.

‘’I have to go now. Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?

‘’...No’’

‘’Good’’ I left some money on the table and left without touching my drink.

 

I didn’t reach straight home, I decided to visit a place...it’s an abandoned part of the park where not many knew of, except maybe a few hooligans or lovers who wanted to screw around.  
This is where I usually calm myself down, or unwind myself. The others in my head and being noisy as hell, Warumono screaming that it was true, Alex talking and Red being his usual sarcastic. Hikari however...was quiet.  
I made my way on the overgrown grass but was halt by a figure in my path.

Ghoul

‘’WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT’’

‘’It’s simple isn’t it? You know what I want don’t you?’’

I took the other way and try to walk, ignoring him.

‘’It’s a pity you didn’t remember the time I spent together with Alan’’.

His voice echo in my head, I run.

‘’But you didn’t appreciate him the way I do. You are selfish Ryu’’.

I run faster, trying to avoid the overgrown branches and thorns that scratch my face.

‘’You don’t deserve to be here, you should be gone’’.

I can’t even see where I am going, everything is so blurry with all the branches and twigs in my face. My feet step on something slippery and I fell hard on my back.  
My head is spinning...I can’t see anything... I can only hear the ghoul saying

‘’Auf Wiedersehen’’

 

 

 

It’s been a day since that incident and Ryu’s voice was nowhere to be heard. I’m quite concern about him, I hope he’s fine.  
I took out my glasses and wipe them before putting them on. It’s 8 in the morning and it’s Sunday. I could hear footsteps coming from the living room. I put on my glasses and there came Alan.

‘’Good morning Alex’’Alan smiled as he went in and take a seat

‘’Good morning’’ I smiled back.

‘’It’s quite a treat to see you out.’’

‘’Really? Well it has been a while.’’ I took a nearby magazine and read.

Alan scooted over and started to kiss me,I wanted kiss him back but he wouldn’t stop.

‘’whoa what’s got into you this morning?’’

He stopped for a while and look at me.

‘’I don’t know. Lately I’ve just been feeling like this you know. It could have been the hormones.’

I examine his face carefully, it seems like his goatee has started to turn into a beard, his sideburn has grown longer too.

‘’You know, Hikari usually dislikes men with beards’’ I teased him

‘’What, seriously? Awh man I have to shave this off?’’ He rub his chin.

‘’Not really, I guess she’ll be ok if you can keep it like Kyo’’.

‘’Ah, that will get her’’. He smiled.

I feel like I owe Senyu an apology. Ryu shouldn’t scream at her like that last night, she was just trying to be helpful. I was about to reach my phone when I heard my stomach rumbling.  
Ouch stomach ache?  
I ran to the toilet.  
I think it wasn’t anything so I decided to head to the studio to finish up my work.

 

How long was I in here? I glanced at the clock and realise it’s almost 10 pm, Alan greet goodnight to me a few minutes ago, well I guess I should stop. I wash my paintbrushes and set them to dry. I make my way to the kitchen as I was hungry, though I might grab some snacks too.  
Suddenly I saw Schwarz at the dining seat, I took my spot opposite him, he observe as I eat.

‘’Do you mind if I ask you some question Alex?’ His deep yet calm voice greet me.

I nod.

‘’what do you feel about Alan? I heard that you are straight right?’’

‘’What do I feel about him? I consider him as a friend, a close friend.’’

‘’Oh, but how do you think about...the idea of having intercourse with him?’’

I swallow my food.

‘’That...I’m not sure, I mean you would think it might be fine since I’m using Hikari’s body but still...it doesn’t feel right’’

I never thought about this.

‘’Don’t you think it’s unfair to Alan? Since he wishes to be with you, he wishes to be intimate with you’’

Schwarz went in closer, his penetrating gaze pierce through me. I thought about this for a while.

‘’You’re right...I can’t believe that I treat him like that. I must have let his hope up’’

‘’My oh my, that isn’t very nice of you Alex’’

Oh dear, was he playing with me? But it’s the truth.

‘’what kind of person am I? I shouldn’t let him hope like that. What do you think I should do?’’

I feel weak, how could I? Wait...why do I feel like this?

‘’Alex, I think you should rest for a while. It’s not very nice of you to drag him on don’t you think? What do you think he’ll say when you didn’t want to be with him?’’

I nod

‘’It seems like so...I shall lay low, think about certain stuffs''.

‘’Ausgezeichnet! You must rest Alex, leave things to me’’

 

  
How come my head is so...quiet?

Hikari thought to herself, it is as if nobody is home or everybody is asleep.Warumono often is quiet but the others?

‘’Dude I don’t know but...why is it so damn quiet?’’ The golden haired man lay on the couch, Warumono is sleeping on the carpet.

‘’I have no idea, I’m kinda worried too Red’’.

Alan came into the living room with a yawn.

‘’Ayy morning’’.

‘’Good morning sleepy he-!’’

Hikari felt something coming out of her throat, she ran to the bathroom as fast as she can.

‘’Hikari?’’

She vomit into the toilet bowl, blood spurts everywhere, staining the white ceramic. Alan follow her up from behind but she was done.

‘’Alan...there was blood...I don’t know why’’

The both of them took their coats and hurried to the hospital.

 

‘’They found nothing wrong...’’ Hikari look at Alan as he was driving.

‘’Maybe you ate something wrong instead’’.

‘’it could be... but I swear it was blood’’

‘’Are you sure?’’ Alan took a turn and stop at a diner.

‘’Yea, I could taste it, I know how blood taste like.’’

‘’Well the doctor said it was nothing, he did full checkups and stuff you know’’.

‘’Hmm...’’

‘’come, we have to get you fill up, either way I’m starving’’

 

The both of them reach home safely, Hikari took the chance to watch the television instead, Alan scoot over next to her.

‘’Don’t tell me you’re still worried’’.

‘’No I am not. I mean, trust the doctor haha. Hey did you trim your beard?''

‘’Yea I did, did you like it?’’

‘’Gosh stop looking like Kyo or else I’m going to have a hard time talking to you’’.

‘’Oh really?’’

Alan kisses her cheek, over and over teasing her. The both of them fell on the couch, Alan topping her.

‘’Stop it Kyo-san, you’re gonna make me turn red’’

‘’Turn red or turn into Red?’’

‘’Let’s just hope it wasn’t the other one, or do you wanted to play with him again?’’

‘’Boy he is rough. I prefer to do it with you instead, my biggest fan’’

Alan continue kissing her lips, going down to her neck.

‘’gosh Kyo...you’re really in the mood...I guess I have to surrender’’

 

  
A heave sigh of relief from the both of them, Alan lies on the carpet, stained while Hikari remains on the couch, still panting and sweating.

‘’Did I...did I went too hard? You moan so loud just now ’’ Alan look up, trying to face Hikari  
.  
‘’no, not at all...but...is it me or your dick seems to be bigger?’’

‘’Yeah I notice it too ever since I took the injections daily’’.

Hikari turn to look at Alan.

‘’You know, you started to really look like a guy now. I wouldn’t believe if you tell me you used to be a girl, have you been working out?’’

‘’Yeah, I stop by the gym sometimes after class’’

‘’I could really see the difference. Oh I’m so tired’’ Hikari rest her arm on her face.

‘’I would go a second round’’ Red said by the tv.

‘’Don’t even think about it Red’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Oh it’s Red, ignore him’’

 

 

Once again the day turn into night and Red was out in the living room, watching some midnight drama. He was drinking his strawberry milk while watching his favourite crime noir.

Slurp

He sets down his milk carton on the coffee table before resuming.

‘’I know you’re there ghoul’’.

‘’Scharfe Augen, Red. Watching the latenight drama I see.’’

‘’What the hell do you want’’

‘’Simple, what do you want?’’

Red turn to face him.

‘’Are you satisfied after all these years sipping strawberry milk or eating strawberry ice cream? My dear, I thought you are a vampire’’.

Schwarz changes his seat and was now beside him. Red remains silent and tries to ignore him.

‘’Don’t you want to taste real blood again? To feel it in your mouth? The delicacies and the sweetness of it like you used to?’’

‘’What are you trying to say here?’’

‘’Join me Red, I will spare you but not the others, I will let you savour those sweetness that you yearn again and even more’’.

‘’So you were behind this... no wonder they were so quiet, you knock them all out’’.

Red kept quiet for a while, thinking.

‘’I can...I can be a vampire again?’’

‘’Natürlich, anytime you want’’

‘’Well then, count me in.’’ Red said with a smile.

 

 

 

 

 

‘’Sorry I have been absent doc, I didn’t feel like coming’’. Hikari apologise while sitting on a leather couch opposite the red haired doctor.

‘’It’s alright Hikari, I don’t want to force you either. How are you feeling today?’’

‘’Well, I feel great but about the others...I haven’t heard of them in a while. My mind is so...quiet. It’s unsettling.’’

‘’It could be you are on the route to recovery, you can finally regain yourself.’’

‘’But I don’t think this is what I want, I mean the personas they make up so much of me, they’re part of me, I don’t want them to just disappear’’.

Dr.Peter jot the statement on his notebook.

‘’How...how’s Senyu?’’

‘’Oh she’s fine, you don’t have to worry about her’’

‘’I feel like I owe her an apology, I should talk to her soon.’’

 

Hikari went back home, Alan is out today so she spent her time in the studio instead. Again she felt something in her throat, she rushes to the kitchen sink and empties her bowels out.

‘’What the...blood again?’’ She notice a few lumps in her the vomit.

‘’What did I even eat last night?’’ She washes off the remains, cleaning the sink.

She pull a chair out and sits on it, rubbing her temples.

‘’oh god, what is going on here? The personas are quiet, I’m puking some stuffs out , next is what?’’  
She left the kitchen and made her way into her bedroom, a sleep is all she needed.

 

‘’Get away from me!’’ Warumono throw his pillow on the wall, Schwarz sits on the dressing counter instead.

‘’Warumono, I’m not here to hurt you. Calm down you are acting like a bad boy’’

‘’A bad...boy? No I’m not bad...you are!’’ He clench on the pillow, wishing that Alan was here instead but unfortunately he hasn’t came home yet.

‘’Warumono, it’s not nice to assume that I am bad just because of how I look. Why do you think I’m bad?’’

‘’You talk about bad stuff!’’

‘’It is not nice to make such accusation Warumono, I am merely trying to get better’’

The pillow was held tight, Warumono pull it closer to him.

‘’Waru-chan, do you know what is Übergang?’’

Silence.

‘’It means transition, a state of turning or changing into another.In my case I am trying to get better...unlike you’’

‘’Me...? what about me?’’

‘’You are very selfish and a naughty boy Warumono, when you switch you would scream and cry which is very troublesome for poor Alan’’.

‘’No...I didn’t do that...’’

‘’Yes you did, remember a few days ago?’’

Warumono kept quiet, he thought about the things he had done and the things he made Alan put through, he bury his face in the pillow.

‘’Do you know what happens to bad boys?’’

A muffled scream was heard.

‘’I don’t wanna get beat! I don’t wanna!’’

Sobbing and crying in the pillow. Schwarz went in close and sit beside him while stroking his head.

‘’There there, it’s alright I won’t punish you. I have something better for you to do instead.Something that will make Alan happy.’’

‘’Really?’’

‘’Yes, come here’’

Warumono place his head on Schwarz lap while looking at his painted face.

‘’You just need to sleep. You need a long sleep’’

Schwarz continue stroking his head, while singing the same lullaby Alan has sung to him.

 

  
‘’Alan...I’m worried’’.

‘’What’s wrong? Have you been vomiting again?’’ Alan put on his clothes and sat on the couch. The television was on but ignored.

‘’Yea that and...I haven’t heard anything from the other personas.It’s too quiet’’

‘’Hey don’t sweat it. Probably they’re just sleeping or taking a day off’’

Hikari giggle at the statement.

‘’You really know how to cheer me up do you?’’

They pay attention to the television for a while.

‘’You’re not going anywhere tonight, are you?’’

‘’Why?’’

Hikari shook her head.

‘’Nah nothing, forget I ask that’’

‘’Do you want to do something?’’

‘’No it’s just that...I have a bad feeling, I feel like something is going to happen tonight. Nah it could just be nothing’’.

The both of them shrug it off and continue watching the television.

‘’Oh I remember that I have to call someone’’. Hikari reach for her cellphone and dialled a number. She walk to the kitchen.

‘’Hello? Senyu?’’

‘’Oh hi Hikari, how are you feeling?’’

‘’I’m good thanks for asking. Listen can we meet up? I have to tell you something’’.

‘’Ok sure, where do you want to meet?’’

‘’How about the park? The one with the fountain’’

‘’Ok I’ll see you there’’.

Beep

 

‘’Look I’m sorry about the other day, I...Ryu didn’t mean it.’’

‘’It’s alright tho, I need to understand you more anyway.’’

The both of the girls ate their cotton candy.

‘’Have you ever thought of...marrying Alan?’’

‘’Uk!’’ Hikari choked on herself.

‘’Marr...marriage? I...I don’t know Senyu I mean...I never thought of marrying anybody, I’m not good with kids, I can’t cook well and overall me as a mum?’’

‘’Gosh you think too much, I think you’ll be a great mum’’

‘’Nah...’’ Hikari continue eating her cotton candy.

‘’Hey it’s almost dusk,I’ll be off now’’ Senyu stood up followed by Hikari.

‘’Well I’ll see you soon then’’

‘’Hey don’t forget about our work, the exhibition’’.

‘’How could I forgot about that?’’ She walks away chuckling.

 

Hikari enter her home and went straight upstairs, ignoring Alan who is studying on the coffee table.  
She went inside her room and lock the door. Muffled sounds of music were heard.

 

It’s been quite a while she’s in there

Alan thought. He look at the clock against the wall.  
11 pm.  
She hasn’t come down yet?  
Alan went upstairs and knock on the door. He tried the door knob and realise it was locked.

‘’Hikari, are you in?’’ He asked but his voice was drown by the music.

Something’s...not right.  
He remembered what Hikari said earlier this morning.  
BAM  
BAM  
The door won’t budge even though it was knocked hard. Alan ran downstairs and open up one of the kitchen cabinet, he found a key and ran back upstairs. He scramble to open the door but manage.  
Music blasted out and the room is dark and cold. Schwarz lay on the floor with his left hand over his throat, in his other hand there is a pocketknife, the whole carpet bathed with blood.  
Alan reach for Hikari’s cellphone on the bed and called the ambulance.

 

 

 

  
Where am I?  
White walls...green curtains... I know this smell...  
It’s smells like medicine.  
I hear a faint beeping on my side, I turn and realise I’m on the bed. No, this is just like that day all over again.  
Alan.  
Alan is holding my hand, his face buried in his arm. He must have notice that I’ve moved, he look up at me. His eyes are red and swollen.

‘’A...lan..’’

My throat hurts when I try to speak. I try to reach my other hand towards my throat.

Wrapped in bandage.  
Alan pour some water into the glass and I help myself to it.

‘’Alan...what happen?..why am I in a...hospital?’’ My voice is rough and it feels like I’m being choked somehow.

‘’Ryu.. I...I walk into your room and I saw Schwarz, I don’t know what he was trying to do, he had a knife and he it looks like he was mutilating. But he cut too deep.’’

Schwarz...the ghoul. I couldn’t remember much, I wasn’t there when he was out. I feel like I’ve slept for a long time. I remember that day though, when I try to run away from him and...

I fell.

‘’Alan...there’s something I need to tell you, something I’ve should have tell you before’’. I cough a little.

‘’Ryu you’re still not well. Maybe later’’. He fill in my glass and try to give to me.

I held the glass and his hand, I put it back on the counter.

‘’No, I need to tell you now. I won’t put this off anymore. I should have tell you this before your surgery. The truth is, I’m jealous of you. Ever since you said you’re on the hormones, I was pissed, I thought to myself that wasn’t I’m supposed to be the ‘male’ part of this relationship? I was against you...quietly because I couldn’t dare to tell it in front of you...’’

I coughed again, Alan let me sip the drink.

‘’I feel in debt to you. You have to put through me and all my other shitty things...so I thought that you deserve your happiness. And you’re right I do feel moody right after the surgery, I avoided seeing you or talking to you. In the end I avoided everyone. That’s selfish...Schwarz make me see through that. I’m a selfish bastard, I should have given you a chance’’.

The glass in my hand swayed a bit. I put it back up and look at Alan. He was listening so patiently, his eyes...they’re teary again.

‘’Do you feel better now?’’ he asked.

I nod. It feels good to open up like this. We hugged each other.

‘’I should have listen to Schwarz on that night, at the Bon Odori. He said something about transition or sort. If I pay attention I might have stop this from happening’’.

‘’Alan, it’s not your fault. I should have talk to you in the first place. I...do you remember that I have a scar on my stomach?’’

‘’Yea’’

‘’There’s a story to it.It’s almost like this one. It happens years ago before I met you, I was with another. Red was still new in me and we were fighting. Red took the knife and manage to stab me, my girl at that time found me lying on the floor with blood. I ended up in the hospital but she was gone. I woke in the morning with nobody at my side.’’

‘’You’re special Alan, thank you for keeping up with my shits’’.

Alan chuckled a bit.

‘’I’m glad we put up with each other.’’

 

The doctor came in after an hour, together with Dr. Peter. He left up with Dr.Peter to discuss some matter. Dr. Peter receive a call from a certain someone from a correctional institution. He said I have to take this medicine for a month to stabilise myself or they will take me away into the institution.  
He said it will make the persona...quiet for a while.  
Looks like I’ll be sleeping again.

 

* * *

Hikari was admitted out of the hospital a week ago, the bandage were off and the scars heal. She examine herself in the mirror.

‘’these lines...it looks like Schwarz was tracing back the paint, tracing back the skull motif somehow.’’ Her finger slowly tracing the bumped lines. Alan approach from the side.

‘’So, he was trying to become a ghoul’’.

‘’Gosh my head is so quiet. It’s annoying somehow. Will they come back?’’

‘’I’m sure they will.3 more weeks to go right?’’

Hikari sighed.

‘’I um, having something to say.’’

‘’Well, what is it Alan?’’

Alan hold her hand and got down on one knee. Hikari gasped while trying to comprehend what is going on.  
Shit please don’t tell me...

‘’We’ve gone through a lot of stuffs together and uh, I guess there’s no other way to put his. Will you be with me for the rest of my life.’’

‘’Gosh Alan...I...are you sure about this? I mean about kids and I’m not really good at handling..-‘’

‘’Hey it’s alright.We can take it one step at a time’’

‘’Alan...’’

Hikari hug him tight.

‘’Ok. One step at a time’’

 

END 

 

extra notes : Some words in german

Schӧne Nacht - lovely night  
Gute Nacht - good night  
Liebenswerte Familie - lovely family  
Ich würde gern - I would love to  
Auf Wiedersehen - goodbye  
Ausgezeichnet - excellent  
Scharfe Augen - sharp eyes  
Natürlich - of course  
Übergang - transition


End file.
